Yup its true, I am such a scardy cat that sometimes even my own shadow scares me..... hehe ok so that's not true but I do find myself easily intimidated by people and feel that I am not good enough to be around them.
I have figured it out.... see when I was fat no one noticed me because I didn't put myself out there in fact I think I was becoming quite the hermit! But now I am putting myself out there, not only by going to Perfit and meeting new people through there but also my gym and Barbarians (Muay Thai) and through facebook and my blog.
Don't get me wrong I am totally loving my new lifestyle but there are times where I feel that I am not good enough, I guess I forget how hard I worked to get to where I am now, its so easy to forget how horrible I felt every day waking up in my 'unhealthy' body I feel spoilt by the energy I wake up with every morning now and how I bounce out of my bed excited to start my day as I never had these feeling before...Before you wouldn't even look at me till I had at least 1 coffee in me and the 'quiet time' to myself to wake up which usually took a good hour and that's being generous hehe I freely admit I was a right moo cow in the mornings hehe.... But no more :)
I am now confident to walk into a gym in a racer back top, something I never even dreamt of but I was so ashamed of my wibbly wobbly arms that I hid them under long sleeve tops no matter what the weather! And I would always layer my clothing to try and hide the muffin top but now I am thinking I want to wear less to show off all my hard work so far. I now just have to apply this confidence to other aspects of my life, like finding a job!
This really is a life journey, its not simply losing weight or working on a numbers goal.... I have been slowly noticing my whole self change in a very positive way, it really is like caterpillar turning into a butterfly, I was never one for believing that analogy but I really feel like I am transforming not only my body but also in how I think and view the world....God I am so sounding like a tree hugging hippy right now lol sorry hehe
Training has really stepped up, I am going heavier each session which is just amazing and my running is also improving. I am still really nervous at Barbarians but I am loving the fact that I can keep up, I have an awesome feeling that this is going to be an amazing art to add to my career :)
So now to focus not only building my strength within my muscles but also in my mind, build my confidence starting by remembering how hard I have worked to get to where I am today and focus on how amazing I am going to be in the future, to really start visualising what I want for the rest of my journey, starting with a job in a gym doing what I love and hopefully helping to inspire people to dig deep and do whatever it takes to lose the weight and find themselves :)
I have blabbered on enough time for me to do some food preparations for tomorrow.
Keep smiling and train HARD peeps :)