The internal battle of what I used to be and what I am today is in full swing, its holding me back from starting my business properly and it's holding me back from furthering my journey....
Today while visiting Athletes with Attitude Ballarat there was a pair of pants that I really want but I was too frightened that my 'fat butt' wouldnt fit in them so I didnt dare try them on. I have been noticing that I am still stuck in the negative thinking of my once 'obess' self, I always hated trying on clothing because the things I liked never came in a size 26! I can also remember the horrible sinking feeling that I felt when ever something didnt get past my thighs or made look like a sausage...I remember it as if it were yesterday!
When starting the journey of weightloss, I thought to myself that its going to solve all my problems but the reality is that I was still going to have the same life, the same car, the same family...the list goes on, your body changes and your clothing sizes change but unless you make a move to change your whole 'life' its still all the same.
I have changed a lot, not only in my body but also my mind but I am still learning!
I guess this is why its called a journey (der me) I dont get it as often but I have days where I doubt my progress and doubt my abilities and well feel fat! I know its just psychological but this is one of the harder habits to break, I have broken my binge eating, broken my lazy ways and loads of other unhealthy habits but breaking the habit of negative self talk is the hardest one of all!
So lets think about this, it took me a long time to get as big as I did and to become as negative as I did so its going to take a long time to slowly break down the walls of negativity and rebuild them with positive stronger walls.
Today I tried to battle each negative thought that popped up by asking myself how that thought was true, I then replaced it with something positive like the other day I was told by a fellow gym goer that she had noticed dramatic changes in me since she last saw me two weeks ago or the fact that my before and after photos have been used to help motivate clients of Glenn and Julian thats pretty bloody amazing!
The moral of todays little rant is that you need to step back and take stock of where you have come from, where you are going and dont forget to enjoy the moment the here and now too, this is a journey and I am bloody proud of where I am at and it high time I started to shed the doubt and self distructive thoughts! The new and confident Em is going to make an appreance in the morning and not go away :)
Time for me to get some sleep, I have mummy duties at schools in the morning so excited :)
Keep smiling and train HARD peeps :)